My ex-girlfriend is a CRAZY hoe. Wooo!

(The lovely girl in this photo is not my ex-grilfriend but rather Punky Brewser.)

Yeah, it's true. Truth is, we haven't dated in a few yrs, but the Crystal news train never quits coming. A little background. Very nutshell. I met this girl at church. You know, where you're supposed to meet nice girls. We dated, drama ensued. I sacrificed a job I loved so we could move away from her family, who were of course giving me death threats. No joke. We move away. Everything is fine until about 6 monthes later, which is when I pressume she started cheating on me with the crack whore down the street. This girl was a literal crack whore. Her drug dealer actually set her car on fire once. She weighed about 30lbs and had japanimation eyebrows. Anyway, then Crystal started cutting herself. Sweet stuff like my intials in her arm. (I'm being sarcastic by the way. Not sweet. More scary.) So anyways, fast foreward past a lot more drama like her hitting on my best friend right in front of me, cheating with yet another girl, and I imagine... a whole bunch of scary japanimation sex, to our break up. When I found out all this stuff, it was over. That's when the real drama began. In church she tells the whole congregation that she's been "saved" and is now straight. So of course they all loved that and hated me because I refused to lie about my identity. Then, I found out she had stolen a near $1000 out of my bank account and was STILL writing checks. Then she goes to all my friends... practically everyone Ive known since kindergarden, trying to get them to take her side. Calling me a liar and a cheater. Echemm. Yeah... whatever. She goes to my stoarge building to "pick up some of her stuff" but ends up treating the place like her own personal K Mart. She took my VCR, electric guitar, and TV. Maybe more, I dont remember. Keep in mind that during all of this she is still trying to have sex with me. Then on one of our church trips she actually brought Miss Crack Whore Japanimation Eyebrows. A few months later she shows up to church with Heather tatooed on her forearm like shes a rough neck sailor or something! Being so bright, she thought this would all make me jealous rather than expose her as a big ol' liar to the whole church. Then she came over to my house with her mommy to get her $10 cd case back, which she assumed would of course require the police. The girl is crazy! She did the usual drive by a zillion times then call me a stalker. You name it, she did it.

So that leads us to today... (If you don't mind me cutting out about 50 more incidents after that.) I'm with my wonderful girlfriend of almost 4 yrs and a friend getting food. The girl working the window is my girlfriend (whom I think Ill refer to as Clea Duvall...mmmm....yes) Clea Duvall's cousin and goes to the infamous church that saw the great Crystal Saga. She's like, "guess who went over to Jim's house?!" (Jim being the youth leader who over saw this whole Fatal Attraction and blamed me.) Well guess who.... Window girl continued, "Crystal! And she brought her new girlfriend!" That girl just doesnt get it. Thing is, she had moved down to Housten after all this. Has lived down there for years, which didnt hurt my feelings at all. But being who she is, she came back... I guess. That's what she always does. Makes a HUGE mess, or steals $, however you want to word it.... then she runs away from it. Then she comes back. Then leaves. Then moves back. Then moves away. She's been back and forth probably 10 times since this whole ordeal. Well, rumor has it, now she's going into the army. Yeah, I bet she is. Dont ask, dont tell. And nevermind the Heather tatoo. I wonder if that bothers Miss New g/f. Hmmm... actually, I feel sorry for the new girl. I had to learn the hard way too. Crystal seems all doe-eyed and sweet when you first meet her. Sugar, spice, and all about the sex. Well actually I guess the sex part is true, you just dont realize its with you AND the tri-state area. But oh well. I am currently living happly ever after with Clea Duvall. Mmmmm Clea Duvall. So it really doesnt matter, it just kills me how much Crystal crap is still thrown my way after so long. Talk about the Ex that wont die!